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On Singleness (1 Cor 7) | The Sandhurst Podcast
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In this episode, Will and Adam discuss singleness from 1 Corinthians 7.
Hey, Sandhurst family. Thanks for joining us. Uh, today we get to finish up 1 Corinthians 7. It's on marriage, it's on singleness, it's on divorce. And today we're gonna be talking about a couple things with Adam. We're gonna be talking about what are some things that he wished he could have included in the sermon, but didn't have time to. We're gonna go back all the way back to Genesis 1 and 2. And uh, we're also gonna talk about some stereotypes. How does 1 Corinthians 7 slap some stereotypes that uh are common among uh singlehood in the church? And then uh last, we're gonna look at just a biblical perspective on having um undistracted devotion to the Lord, because that's Paul's goal for 1 Corinthians 7. So before we jump in, uh a few shout outs first. If you were at church on Sunday, we had a little bit of a uh health thing with uh our own Ken Welch, uh, had some chest pains, ambulance came and uh he spent the night in the hospital, but he's good and should be released today. So shout out to Ken. Also, we're missions church, and we got a team in Peru, so shout out to our team in Peru. Uh but that's the point of this podcast is to help us think biblically about God, life, and culture. We've been in 1 Corinthians 7, and so similar to last week, I just want to start with the text because we're a Bible church, and then we're gonna go from there and answer some questions. All right. So um, before I read the verses, um, Adam, you taught these verses on Sunday. Tell us for the verses that you taught, what's kind of the main emphasis? What's the what's the point that Paul is trying to make?
SPEAKER_02Right. So Paul is trying to answer the question here now that I've come to Christ, now that I've come to faith in God through Jesus Christ, and I have this new God, if you will, does that mean I need to change my marital status? If I'm single, do I need to get married? If I'm married, do I need to get divorced? Um, and how does that impact my marriage life? Um, and so he gives several examples to to illustrate where where he lands on the nature of marriage and what after after faith in Christ.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so that's the question. What's the answer?
SPEAKER_02The answer is no. You don't need to change. You bloom where you're planted, you stay, you keep in your lane, and there's a the the verse, you know, is essentially abide in the direction God has given you.
SPEAKER_00Okay. All right, so if you have a little thing in your house that says bloom where you're planted, and you wanted to put some verses on it, you could put first Corinthians chapter seven, that's right verses seventeen to thirty-four. That's it. All right, I'm gonna read them. We know the point, and then uh we'll go from there. All right. First Corinthians seven, I'm gonna read seventeen through thirty-four. Only as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each in this manner, let him walk. And so I directed in all the churches. Was any man called when he was already circumcised? He's not to become uncircumcised. Has anyone been called in circumcision or sorry, in uncircumcision, he is not to become circumcised. Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing. But what matters is the keeping of the commandments of God. Each man must remain in that condition in which he was called. Were you called while a slave? Don't worry about it. But if you're able to also become free, rather do that. For he who is called in the Lord while a slave is the Lord's freedman. Likewise, he was called while free is Christ's slave. You were bought with a price, he says that in chapter six as well. Do not become slaves of men. Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition, condition in which he was called. Now concerning virgins, I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. I think then that it is good in view of the present distress that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Don't seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you marry, you've not sinned, and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I'm trying to spare you. But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none, and those who weep as though they did not weep, and those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, and those who buy as though they did not possess, and those who use the world as though they did not make full use of it, for the form of this world is passing away. Last verses. But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord, but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy, both in body and spirit. But one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit, not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. Okay, so that's a mouthful, and you you're saying, okay, the the point is here, bloom where you're planted. Yep. And um I before before we jump into questions, one thing that I wanted to just make sure that we're clear on from this is that bloom we're planted is not like a vague sort of um uh a vague sort of thriving. But to use Paul's words, the the the blooming that he wants to see in the church, the blooming that God wants to see in his church, is a blooming, in his words, undistracted devotion to the Lord. Yes. So when we say bloom we are planted, we're not just saying like, oh, you know, just kind of find some sort of some vague satisfaction. Here's the blooming. Yeah. Undistracted devotion to the Lord. So the topic in chapter seven, marriage, singleness, divorce. Right. The goal for chapter seven is he wants to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. That's the goal. Um, so kind of that's that's framework for chapter seven. Uh, you just did a sermon on it. Uh, tell us some things that uh maybe you were um you found interesting or compelling in your study, but didn't make it in the sermon.
SPEAKER_02Well, uh one thing is that for Paul, uh at first glance it may seem that he has a really low view of marriage, like you know, that it that almost elevates singlehood. And there's this debate, like, did Paul prefer everyone be single? And I don't think he did, because if he did, the church would die out in one generation. So uh I don't think he planned And earlier in the chapter he says, you know, don't defraud each other, stay, you know, he says, stay married and bless your spouse. And notice when he says, you know, what I'm trying to do is is is have you he said have undivided devotion to the Lord. Earlier in that paragraph, he says your interests are notice he doesn't say to the married person that their heart is divided, he says their interests are divided. So he's not saying that your now your heart is divided between God and man if you're married. He's saying your interests are divided. And and what I'm hoping is that it will help you have an undivided devotion to God to have undivided interests before God. And we all know that's true, you know, that it that to have fewer concerns around marriage and family. Uh, when I had uh a single, when as a single man, I had one cell phone plan. Now I have five. And and so it's there's just things that come with marriage and family that divide our interests and require our time. And so Paul's saying, look, I want to help you remain focused on and make it easier for you to have an undivided heart.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so you're saying an undivided heart is not the same as undivided interests.
SPEAKER_02Correct, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And give me uh one or two more examples of that. Just help me sort that out in my brain.
SPEAKER_02Right. So uh so undivided a divided heart would be like, you know, do it is it kind of a in some ways it's it's a right and wrong. It's like, do it, do I have idols that compete with God? You know, and um, and he's saying, look, I want to help you have undivided devotion to the Lord. Um I want to help you live in a way with undivided interests that help you have undivided heart. To to have divided interests again, it's just uh now, you know, again, as a single man, I had one car. Now I think we have four or five in the driveway. And just the multiplying of people in the house that are legally and uh financially and spiritually attached to you that you're responsible for multiplies the cares that you have and the maintenance that you have to do on the things that are passing, as he describes. And so he's and there's those clutch verses 29 to 31 where he just says, you know, if you're married, live as not, and if you're mourning as if not, and happy as if not, and have something as if not, and this kind of this as if not life, he's saying, look, the time is short, let's live in a way that reflects eternal values. And so it's really hard as the people around you multiply for whom you take care and responsibility to maintain uh focus on eternal things because there's so many things, doctor's appointments and bills to pay, and and and school uh homework and trips and whatever, you know, that that that stuff it becomes a a those interests uh begin to again compete in our hearts as idols, and we have to fight more battles in our hearts to avoid idolatry.
SPEAKER_00Okay. So uh the topic marriage, singleness, divorce, the goal, undistracted devotion to the Lord, and so the point that he's making, and and I just want to try to summarize what you're saying, or maybe say it in my own words. Um what he's trying to do, the the case that he's making is um as he wants us to have undistracted devotion to the Lord, he's just recognizing the reality that the m that marriage in particular to for what he's talking about brings in uh more interests that are going to create uh that have the capacity to great create greater concern. So you're you're probably gonna talk about like this current distress. Right. Um but he's going, I want you to have an undistracted devotion to the Lord. And the more things that are part of your life that you really love and care about in a God-honoring way, the more um concerns you're gonna have. So if there's if this distress, and I don't wanna, I don't know what your thought is on that, but if let's just say it's persecution, then a married man who has kids is gonna have greater concern with that persecution if he has a wife and kids that are part of that suffering than he is by himself.
SPEAKER_02So Yeah, I mean, even Jesus himself said something to this effect in Matthew, you know, how hard it will be for pregnant and nursing mothers in that day when the calamity, when it when the parousia comes, when the second coming and the and the tribulation happens, because it will be it'll just be a difficult time to live through. And so what Paul is saying is I would love for you not to have to battle, fight more battles. Let's let's just kind of clear the path for you to be able to give yourself fully to the Lord and to his people.
SPEAKER_00All right, so anything from uh from your study that you want to highlight, anything else that's like, man, yeah, I didn't get this a chance to talk about this, but I wanted to.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I think there are two things that stick out. One was um when Paul is saying that that uh he he he wishes, for example, that that that that all people were as he is, or you know, it's is it the same thing when in Genesis 1, when God created marriage and said, it is not good for man to be alone, is that the same thing as it is not good for man to be single? You know, did God create it, did God create marriage for for to to in order for people because what Paul is saying here is I wish you, you know, I think you'll be better, you you will, uh, because it is good for you to remain as you are. Are you married? Don't say get divorced, but if you're unmarried, don't look for a wife. In other words, it's good to be alone, right? Uh and so is he contradicting God in this? And it was it was a question to my mind when God said in Genesis 1, it is not good for a man to be alone, is he saying that it is not good for a human to be single? And I had to go back and do that reading, and I came to the conclusion that uh if you actually read the text in Genesis 1 and 2, it's very clear what God was doing there. Uh, when he created Adam and Eve, no suitable helper was found for Adam. And it doesn't say, and so he created Eve, and now they had sex, or now they had a family, or now they had a marriage, or now they had a white picket fence, and they a little in the it's not that that God created this helper for Adam and then she became they became the goal was marriage. The goal was that they would help one another, that she would help him rule the world and rule the earth, that God said, Okay, now go and be and rule over the creation and be my vice regents in the world and represent me to creation, right? And take care of creation. And so uh the reason that God created Eve as a helper, and that word etzer is used in the Old Testament as a noun only for two things, Eve and God. That's it. But the verb, the Atsar, Azear, is used many times for a lot of things. Uh it's used in Joshua chapter one when it says, okay, you tribes, you you're gonna have to come over and help your brethren, you know, take the land. And so the idea of help or helping in the Old Testament is way, it's it's it's a broader term. And so I it was interesting to me to think, okay, did uh when God's a lot of marriage conferences will open up, it's not good for man to be alone. And and uh, and and I can attest in my own life, man, when Heather departs for a trip or something, it's like barbarianism comes in immediately, and it's like Lord of the Flies, and there's a pig's head out there in 24 hours. But for us, uh, I think for a single person, when they read that verse, they can fulfill that verse through koinonia. I think, through, I think that men and women in koinonia in fellowship can fulfill the Genesis one and two uh mandate to rule over creation, if you will, and to to represent God to the world. So it was, I I had to kind of reconcile what Paul was saying. Hey, it's good to be single with Genesis one and two. It's not good to be for man to be alone, but it doesn't say it's not good for man to be single. So that was an interesting thing for me. And I don't know if you have any thoughts about that text in those texts.
SPEAKER_00Typically we would say that the wife was given to the husband as his helper. Not not so much woman to the man, but the husband to or the wife to the husband. So are you saying the woman to the man, not the husband to the woman? Well, I guess it's wife to the husband.
SPEAKER_02Well, it's like when when God said, Let us make man in our image, what was he trying to do? Was he trying to create marriages and families, or was he trying to create um so you know, let us make man in our image and our likeness, and let them be a family. No, and let them rule over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, the livestock, and all the creatures that move along the ground. And so God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created male and female, he created them. And God blessed them and said, Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth. Now that requires That sounds like marriage. That's that part of marriage, yes. Um, and subdue it, rule over it, the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and over everything. So the main thing that man did was rule in God's stead, right? That we are the vice regents of God on earth. And so marriage is a part of that because marriage is the foundation of family, that that, yes, uh a wife is given to a husband, as Jesus himself said, you know, in the beginning it was not so. God said, made the male and female and and what God has joined together, let not man separate. Um, but I do think that the Genesis I mandate can be fulfilled in Koinonia. Um but and marriage per se is really more addressed, because I think that Genesis 1 addresses man-woman fellowship, but Genesis 2 more addresses uh marriage. Uh the you know, when God puts Adam to sleep, makes the woman out of the rib, brings her to the man, this is now bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh is Genesis 2. For this reason, a man will leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. And so there, I feel like we have, you know, um humanity created in chapter one, and we have this marriage, if you will, demonstrated or taught in chapter two. Um but I think that that that marriage, that sacredness in a marriage between a husband and a wife was part of uh, you know, part of the fulfillment of the Etzir, the the help, but not the whole. Like, you know, there there is still room in God's creation for for number one, but it's not good for man to be alone. It doesn't mean it's not good for a man to be single. I don't think those two are equivalent.
SPEAKER_00All right. Um, all right, so anything else related to the sermon that you wanted to highlight or that wasn't in the sermon? Right, right.
SPEAKER_02One last one last thing was um this idea of this present crisis. Because to me that was a big deal. And and he says this in um in verse 26. Uh he says, you know, backing up to 25 about virgins, I've got no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment who is one by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. Verse 26. Because of the present crisis, I think it's good for you to remain as you are. In other words, because of this present crisis, I think it's good to remain single, and it will help you in your life not to pursue marriage. And so the question is, is the present crisis um something that was happening in Corinth, like a particular famine, or was it persecution or something happening in Corinth or the Roman Empire? Um, was it when he says this present crisis, did he mean like that Jesus is coming back any moment? And so any we should not give any margin of our lives to marriage, to kids, to sports, to art, because Jesus is coming back any moment. I remember having this idea when I was in high school, like, I don't need to go to college, Jesus is coming back, I just need to just to share Jesus with people. And uh and then my pastor, who was in his 50s, said, you know, Adam, I used to think the same thing when I was your age, and I decided I would go to college. But um I I think you know, so is is the present crisis you know something happening in Corinth? Is it something that was sort of unique to them, that Jesus coming back? Was Paul wrong? You know, and and I don't think any of those answers really for the text. And uh unfortunately when I drug down, and I couldn't bring this into this term, but when I drill down on it, the word crisis I think is an unfortunate translation. Do you have that word in? Do you have translation crisis? Distress. Distress, okay. So I think the better word for that um uh to to reflect the Greek is just kind of a a pressure or a tension in the nature of things, the way things are. And and I think a better translation would have been because of the pressure in in the life that we have, the the way the the difficulties of life. Um uh and and and it does say present, because of the present pressure of the way things are. Uh and I think when he when he says present, he's meaning essentially when Jesus left, he said, I'm coming back soon, right? And I do I don't think Paul thought, okay, it's at any moment. There's two verses that Paul indicates about the return of Jesus. One, he says, we who are alive will be caught up in the air. So people think, oh, he thinks he'll be alive. But then in chapter six here, he says, you know, we who are dead will be raised first. You know, so uh so I you kind of those kind of negate. And so I don't think from the text you can argue Paul thought Jesus was coming back any moment, but he but Jesus did clearly teach he was coming back soon. And that was the next thing that would happen. There were no other events that needed to happen. There was no other, no more John the Baptist, no more other preparatory things. Jesus said, just be ready. And so I think Paul was instructing them to help you be ready at any moment, it will help you to be single and have fewer interests. And so that helped me to say, okay, he wasn't misguided thinking Jesus was literally flying back through the clouds any moment, nor was he talking about something specific to Corinth. And actually in the next letter, I mean, there was no persecution particular in that moment. They they were actually pretty fat and happy, and he commit, you know, asks them to give to other churches. So there, they're it the the ideas in the next paragraph about live as if not really are generated out of Jesus is coming, he's coming on his own time, be ready at any moment. That's the idea of bloom where you're planted, stay in your lane. You can change lanes if you want to get remarried, get remarried. Or if you want to get married, get married. But um, if you want to, it would help you to be ready at any moment not to have more troubles than you need. Cool, got it.
SPEAKER_00Um, all right, so in terms of 1 Corinthians 7, the it's it's the topic is marriage, it's divorce, it's singleness. Bloom where you're planted. Um some are given the gift of marriage, and some are given the gift of singleness. Um trying to think about if you are say planted in singleness, and we're saying Paul is saying, bloom in singleness, uh secure undistracted devotion to the Lord in singleness, what would you say are some cultural stereotypes around singleness that First Corinthians 7 would help address and inform? Because ac actually I was I was looking up some statistics uh from Barna, and uh if you look at the the average age of men and women in their first marriage between uh 1950 and now, I thought this was interesting. 1950 average age for a man in his first marriage, 22.8 years old, and for a woman twenty point three years old, that's nineteen fifty. And then and now in the year twenty twenty-five, the average age for a man in his first marriage, thirty point two years old, and a woman twenty-eight point six. So eight years um delayed marriage on average now compared, which means um we have more people in our churches that are planted, yeah, gifted singleness at least for longer than in 1950. And I think to uh to not acknowledge that is to kind of miss where our people are at. And there can be some stereotypes around singleness that first Corinthians seven and the rest of scripture uh is gonna. Help maybe address and call out and um clarify. Um any thoughts on that?
SPEAKER_02Well, I I think the first thing I wanted to say was address the word gift. Um, because a lot of times people think, okay, I I'm single, but I don't think I have that gift. And that's not what Paul's saying. The gift of singlehood or marriage, which he says in verse 7, that they're both a gift. He's not saying that there's this thing that you have, they're not saying a skill that you're good at. What they're he's saying is it's an opportunity to engage. So you singlehood or marriage, in whichever state you find yourself, that's God's gift to you to grow you and then to give yourself back to him and to help you love God and people. So you can do that as a single person, you can do that as a married person. They're both a gift. They both have opportunities, they both have challenges. So I was speaking with you know Joel, who shared in the uh the the quipping hour a week ago, and he said, Look, you know, I I'm I'm uh I'm an older man, I'm a bachelor, I'm a lifetime bachelor, but my gift of singlehood doesn't mean that I just love being single and I just, you know, I don't I'm I'd I'd love to be married someday. And so I just want to say that there are a lot of single folks that if you have this, if you're single, you have that gift. It doesn't mean it that you have to keep it your whole life. And you may have a desire to be married.
SPEAKER_00So the gift of singleness may not be a permanent gift.
SPEAKER_02Aaron Powell No. Well, you know, no. And then you would have the gift of marriage. Yeah. And so that that's important because I think people think, well, I don't want to say I have the gift of singlehood because God might stick me here and think I'm I'm I'm I I like this. You know, uh we we all um deal with tensions in our hearts, in whichever state we're in.
SPEAKER_00Aaron Powell I think in terms of singleness, there's one of three t stereotypes that can be applied to singleness, especially in church world. That if you're single, maybe in your 30s, then either these can be stereotypes. Uh you are socially deficient, emotionally isolated, or infinitely available. One of those three things like if you're a single man, then you would sign you up for anything because you're single. And uh, these are stereotypes that I think can develop. Uh they're just not biblical. And want to just think through those um from a biblical standpoint. Uh socially deficient. We're gonna be in 1 Corinthians 9 in two weeks, but in 1 Corinthians 9, Paul brings up uh, well, I'll just read it. In chapter 9, verse 3, he says, My defense to those who examine me is this. Do we not have a right to eat and drink? He's talking about uh him and Barnabas. Do we not have a a right to take along a believing wife, even as the rest of the apostles and the brothers of the Lord and Cephas? Yeah. So what he implies in 1 Corinthians 9 is that the other apostles, including Cephas and the brothers of Jesus, are what? Married. Married. And so and then and then he says, uh, or do only Barnabas Barnabas and I not have a right or not have a right to refrain from marriage and working. So there's at least three people who we can look at in scripture that were single, and that would be Paul, Barnabas, and Jesus. Yeah. Socially deficient? No. Perhaps it wasn't that they were single because they were socially deficient, it was because they actually had a greater focus. And that's the whole thing that Paul is making in chapter seven. He he it wasn't any sort of deficiency, it was focus. That's right. Um, in terms of emotionally isolated, I do think this goes back to some of what you're saying in Genesis 1 and 2, that marriage wasn't the only gift when he says it's not good for man to be alone. And so he gives at God gives Eve to Adam, he gives a relationship and not just marriage.
SPEAKER_02That's right.
SPEAKER_00I was started to think, okay, where do we see in scripture that uh singleness doesn't mean emotional isolation? And I started to think about Saul and I mean um David and Jonathan. Now they are at least David is married, kinda in 1 Samuel 18. Uh, but this is what 1 Samuel 18 says. It says, um, as soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father's house, like he wouldn't let David go home. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as his own soul. So two I guess David's married, but two two guys in a deep friendship. I didn't read anything about emotional isolation there. There's deep fellowship. There's like used word, I think, quininia earlier. Single did not mean emotionally isolated for them. That's right. And singleness doesn't mean that scripturally. Um, so not socially deficient, not emotionally isolated, and not infinitely available. Right. Um again, I started just trying to think biblically about singleness. There's a lot of times in the New Testament that Paul goes, Paul's single, that he goes, dude, I'd love to come see you, but I can't. Like there's something for yeah, I'm booked. Yeah. He was because he was single, doesn't mean he was infinitely available. Right. And uh I so as we're thinking about singleness, the the reason I think that these matter is because I think singleness can be thought of if if you're a single person in the church and it just feels like you know, it feels like everybody's married. Uh that singles can tend to think that they are think of themselves or think that they are viewed as second tier.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I think far from it, singleness is not a problem to be fixed. Right. Um, it's a context, a gift to bloom in. Yeah. And um that that was helpful for me to think um some of these stereotypes that scripture would be like, no, that's not true.
SPEAKER_02And I think one more, and I don't know if it's one more or kind of a riff on when you've already, you know, with the emotional isolation, but I think the one of the low-hanging fruit is that society looks at someone who's single sometimes, I mean, beyond the church, you know, as uh culturally, we can find security in the fact that someone loves me, right? You know, like even the old song, You're nobody till somebody loves you, right? I mean, there's this idea like uh I want to be desirable. And and if and if I'm not with somebody, if I'm not in a romantic relationship, relationship, marriage, whatever, that that somehow I'm undesirable or I'm less than. And uh, if I've got a a guy or a girl, then okay, now now I'm matter. I I'm kind of playing the game. I'm an adult, even, you know, and and and so the people can subtly and wrongly look down on single people as somehow kind of needing to take this step of maturity almost.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02And uh and and if you're single, then you're you know, you're just you know, basically just wanting to just kind of live carefree and whatever. And no, I mean, there's there's many wonderful, like you said. I mean, these were these were not those Paul, this is good company, you know, Jesus and Barnabas. So I I think to look down on people or or to it's it's easy to think, okay, I I can just find some security uh socially if I if and and and and companionship. But uh that's why I think that it's not good for men to be alone doesn't just apply to marriages, because there are many marriages in which the people are very alone. And there are uh many singles who are very well connected and have rich, satisfying relationships and and do not feel that loneliness. And so it is better to be single and hopeful than married and hopeless.
SPEAKER_00What would you say to a person who's single, wanting to bloom where they're planted, and yet also going, and I want to be married. How would you how would you coach them? How would you pastor that person?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. God has given you uh other things. He's given you other relationships, other gifts to use. And so my cut my counseling coach would be, you know, uh Tommy Nelson used the uses the illustration of a race, you know, and you're running in a lane, and a lot of guys decide, okay, I'm tired of running alone, and they run into the infield and they kind of drag a girl out there into there, try to get them onto their end, and and synchronize into them. But that that that that life pattern wasn't native to that girl, to that woman. And so uh he says, just run in the direction God gave you. Use your gifts, love your people, do what God gave you to do, do the next good thing, as Elizabeth Elliott would say. And eventually, if it's God's will, the person that is designed for you will be running next to you in the lane there, and that you can link arms and run that same direction together. And so my my uh my counsel would be don't put life on pause, don't not do what you're called to do, don't wait to go into missions, don't wait to move here, don't wait to whatever because you're hoping to, you know, get married and then go do it. Go do what God's called you to do and then wait. And when God's time is right, he'll bring that's what he did, you know. He brought Eve to Adam. And uh, and so and he woke Adam up when the time was right, and there, you know, and there they were. And so I just think it when God's timing is right, he'll bring her to you. Keep going, keep doing what God called you to do.
SPEAKER_00Right. The I was thinking about uh that question as well, and what I would want to say, and you know, there's always you know situational nuances, and uh so you always hesitant to give advice when you don't have the details of what's going on. Uh but regardless, anytime there's something going on and you're just like, God, I'd love I'd love for this to change.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00Where do you go from there? And first thing I think three thoughts come to my mind. They're general principles, but specifically uh regarding singleness. If you'd like to be married, uh I think Psalm 84, Psalm 84 verse 11. It says, No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. Uh so I would say if you're single and you really want to be married, I would start with gratitude to the Lord and say thank you for the gift that he has given you up to this point. The language of our faith is thanksgiving. And so why say thank you for a I to keep you going back to the the the analogy of bloom where you're planted, why s why say thank you for being planted in the pot called singleness? Right. And it's always gonna come back to well, I can give thanks depending on what I believe about God. Right. Is he sovereign? And is he a good father? Right. If he is, then um you know, Jesus says in in when he's instructing his disciples to pray, uh, how many of you when your son asks for a loaf of bread, will he give him a stone? Right. Um and then he finishes with this point, he says, If you then being evil know how to give what is good to your children, how much more will your father in heaven, yeah, who knows what you need, give what is good to those who ask? Yeah. So God promises to give what is good to those who ask. Now, his metrics for good might might always not always be what my metrics for good are, but I believe if I believe that he's a good father, and then I believe that he gives what is good to those who ask, then I have good reason to say thank you for what he gives. Yeah. It's a matter of trust.
SPEAKER_02And that that and trust I think is a big word because it might be an issue of, yeah, I can tell this is, but oftentimes it's gonna be in in hindsight. So when I was in my um in my early 20s, I was living in Russia. I came back from my mid-20s to seminary, had a dating relationship, thought that was gonna um be it, be the one. It was not, did not uh pan out. So at 28, I'm ha I'm at a decision, do I go back to Russia? And I'm just thinking, man, you know, single? And uh so uh I did. So I I said, okay, this is what God's called me to do, you know, tell me nothing, do what God's called you to do. And the summer that I'm turning 29, I'm literally moving back to Russia, single man, thinking, okay, you know, this this is it, you know. And later that summer, I I remet some uh a woman I'd known before who now is my wife of 25 years, right? And and but I met her back in Russia. And what if I would have said, you know, I'm gonna wait until I get I don't want to go back alone. I want to go back as a family. And so um I I I while that may be a pretty crazy example, it's my life. And and and and I just would encourage everyone to keep going, just keep doing what God's called you to do, even if I didn't feel like going back alone. I think, you know, I've got the gift of singlehood. I just feel like I want to do this alone. You know, that was not it. But I said, you know, but God, you've called me and I'm gonna believe, and I'm just gonna I'm we're gonna do this. And and that's where I ended up meeting. Now, I might maybe I wouldn't have. Others go back and they don't. I can't answer for that life. I can't answer for mine. Um, but I I I think God, God knows where we are. And in fact, my when I met her, remet her, she was, she had moved out to Siberia as a 26-year-old single woman, and because Moscow was like, you know, the comfort zone. And people were like, Don't you want to get married? You know, and probably to an American in Siberia. And she was just like, God knows where I am. He can find me. God can find me. And so she flew into town, she, you know, which was a six-hour flight, you know, it's it's it was six time zones east of Moscow. She had 12 hours in town, and that night she was training out with her team to a different city. And during that 12 hours, I ran into her on the street. That's that's how we reconnected. And, you know, if anyone can say, the Lord knows where I am, he can find me. We had to meet on this 200 meters of sidewalk. Like I was coming into a building, she was coming out, we had about three or four minutes, we had to overlap between the bus stop and the building. And we we and and and that we were the only two people on that stretch of sidewalk in that moment. And God just said, now's the time. And so I I I my my it might have worked out differently. You know, there are other people that they go back, they move to Siberia and they remain single, you know. And so, but God knows.
SPEAKER_00He knows what is his good gift for you. So if you're single, going, This is not the gift that I want. Right. Uh, what do how do I process this? By faith, say, Thank you, Lord. Believe that you give what is good to those who ask. And that Romans 8 28 is a promise that becomes cliche, but it is true that God, that God works all things for the good of those who love him and who are called according to his purpose. And that good thing that he works out is to be conformed into the image of his son. That's right. So am I saying that God is uh using your current situation and in this case singleness to conform you? Well, that's exactly what he's intending to do. Yeah, I am saying that. That's right. And that's a good thing. So thank you, Lord. He may be um uh pruning you, yeah, he may be uh using you like you guys were used in your own ministries in Moscow. He may be saving you for some future person, yeah. Um and so I don't I don't know how God's doing it, but I do think that we have good reason in in the character of God to be able to say thank you in all things.
SPEAKER_02I feel like you have to play offense and defense here because that is the lie. And it's so easy to get drawn into like, I really need somebody. No, we we really need is to be conformed to the image of Christ. That's what we need. And and God knows the best pathway for each of us to do that. And so if this is the path he has given us, this is the one that is right for us.
SPEAKER_00So single, would I want to be married? By faith, say thank you. Uh second, I would also say if you want to be married, it's okay to put yourself out there to find a spouse. I think there can be a little bit of a like, man, if I if I take initiative, then that's not really trusting God. I'm kind of you know letting God bring the person to me. And uh and and to take initiative would be um kind of taking matters in my own hands, kind of an Abram and Tamar situation. Right. Hagar. Yeah. Tamar? Hagar. Hagar. Thank you. Um but I think it's okay to put yourself out there. Yeah. And um to connect in groups. Uh I dating apps, you gotta use them with a brain. But that is the way a lot of people have actually found like the person they're dating and actually uh that they get married to. And if there's a stigma around that, whatever. I I do I think we can use the tools with a brain, right? Uh to and that doesn't reflect a lack of faith. So single want to be married, say thank you, Lord, because he is a good vine dresser, he's a good father. Right. Um, take initiative, and then um one more, and you can jump into it, is um to continue. This is what Tommy Nelson said. This is what 1 Corinthians 7 says, is to leverage your capacity to advance the kingdom. No, you're single, that doesn't mean you have infinite availability, you have some availability. Right. And to leverage your capacity to advance the kingdom, and and there is unique capacity for that. Um, I've talked before about Dr. Cooper, and Dr. Cooper was the uh director of the Bible teaching program at CIU. Um, a single woman her whole life. And well, she's still alive, and um she had a she chose to leverage her capacity to advance the kingdom, and she invested herself in students in the way that a lot of professors could not do, given their life situation, marriage kids, those sorts of things. She would have us over to her house for dinner, she would come to games, she would, um, when Sweet D and I were dating, she would actually like initiate with Sweet D at CIU. She would find out about how Sweet D is doing. And um she is an inspiration to me. And she has chosen her whole life, now she's retired, but she's still teaching, uh, has chosen to leverage her capacity to advance the gospel. So if you're single and in your heart, you'd love to be married, say thank you. You take initiative and um and keep it's everything you're saying, keep using your capacity, leveraging that towards doing what God has put in front of you today.
SPEAKER_02Um there's a phrase, and I think it came from Andy Stanley, and I'm gonna butcher it, but it it's uh, you know, basically become the person the person you're looking for is looking for, right? And so um, if if you're looking for a kind of person, I would just encourage you just to keep being that person, you know, and just and and to keep becoming who you want to be and who you want to be with. And if God brings that person along, fantastic. And if not, you got to enjoy being that person you want to be. And and so I I do hope that if if for you, that if if if for those who are single and want to be married, you know, then you know, do what you can, but also do what you can to be content now. Um, because that contentedness um that you have now as a single person, you know, some people ask me, when how do I know when I'm ready to get married? That I don't know. But I do know this, that people who are discontent in singlehood struggle with contentment in marriage, you know, and if, and I'm not saying you have to be like, okay, yeah, now I'm fine with my singlehood, now God send me my writhe, you know. I I I just not not not to not to get, not give to get, but but do your best to truly find satisfaction in God and in the people around you, and the in this good life that God's given us. And yes, that gnawing may be there, that hunger may be there, that and that may be God's uh way of bringing you to your spouse ultimately, it may not be. Again, God knows your path. But um, you know, like you say, use wisdom, do what you can, and don't put ultimate meaning in it, either of that either singlehood or marriage, um, because both of them are temporary, both of them are passing, and all of us will be united with Christ ultimately. So and even the people who are married now will one day, unless they perish together, which is the ex exception, you know, we'll be single again. And so um, I do think that a more robust uh culture of koinerna, of fellowship in the church would be a help to our single people, especially who um have to do more work to create that. Um but um and I and and so the my challenge to our to the married people is lift up your eyes and and and and and see your single brothers and sisters, not just as single, but as humans and as as as men and women gifted for uh for fellowship, for outreach, and for many beautiful and wonderful things. Um and and and and cultivate those relationships beyond your marriage and beyond your family.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. When Sweet D and I started at Sandhurst, that was 2013, we had just gotten married, and I think we found it hard to connect at Sandhurst uh probably for a couple of reasons. One, it just everything was new. New city, new job, new new marriage. We had been married a week. Yeah. Um but I also think that uh I think once we had kids, then it just kind of seemed like a new world opened up to us in community at Sandhurst. Right. And so I think if if you're married with kids at Sandhurst, it's pretty easy to find a home. Married without kids, a little harder to find a home. Single at Sandhurst, really like much more difficult to find a home. And so we speak to this a little bit in terms of like you're over groups at Sandhurst. Yeah. And uh if you were going to give a word to our church to help uh to help our church be a place where it's not just a place for married with kids, it's a place where if if you're single, maybe you you can find a home here. What how would you uh what what words would you say to our church generally, either maybe to the married or to um to singles, what would you say?
SPEAKER_02I think the one thought I would have is to make sure you you cross sort of like train in terms of your fellowship, right? So uh find a group that are the people like you. It's easy to connect. If you're married with children, find married with children. If you're single, jump in on the singles group, whatever. I mean, find people that it's easy to connect with, but cross-train too and be in something that's not like you. So don't just relate to married with children, make relate to singles and and and to to prime timers and to college kids and find a group to be a part of. Life groups are especially good at being cross-generational and single-married, sort of a good microcosm of the church at large. Make sure, and which it initially is harder to get over those, you know, when people are at a different life stage than you, it's harder to develop those bonds, but they can also be very enduring and richer if you take that time to develop those. So, yes, find something that's easy for you to connect to, but also find folks who are different from you in life stage, life season, and and and connect there, whether it's a core group or a life group or a fellowship group, however that works.
SPEAKER_00All right. So let's say I've tried that. I've tried the life group thing. Yep. We're coming to the end of the semester.
SPEAKER_02Yep. Yeah. Didn't work. Yeah, yeah. Uh call me, write me, you know, and and let's talk. Because I I don't let's not give up and you're not stuck. So maybe it's the group, maybe it's the type of group. And uh every life has multi-layers to it. And there's there's a social, a spiritual, and an emotional, financial, uh, a physical. There's just lots of layers to life. And let's let's keep trying. Let's let's find something that will work. And if we don't have it, let's make it, let's create it, let's start it.
SPEAKER_00I yeah, I totally agree with everything you're saying. And uh I think you know, being in youth ministry for 11 years, I loved it and I believe in it. I think what um a difficult byproduct of it is when you grow up in all these age kind of segmented ministries, you go through, you know, in youth ministry, you're in a small group, and if you have somebody two years older than you in your small group, it's like, whoa, what like that's that's kind of weird. Like a different life. You definitely don't have a girl in your small group, you know. And so then you graduate, and then if you have somebody in your life group within two years of you, that's weirdly close in proximity. Yeah, and so you there is a a shift that would have that that you gotta make uh in terms of plugging into the life of the body when when things are different than how they've been the last 18 years. So I will say to our students who are growing um closer to graduation, when you graduate, then it's it's gonna take work, but I really do want to encourage you guys to take ownership for your role in your church and to push through the awkward, join a life group, get get plugged in with with adults, and it's hard, but um that's uh but it is worth it.
SPEAKER_02Make the effort and one common um complaint I've heard, I mean but you know, concern, whatever, is is and not just from singles, but from from everyone is that like you know, I've tried and you know, I I went, like you say, it didn't work. I tried to break into that group, I bounced off, there's clicks, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Yes, I get it. Like there's reasons why circles are around the way they are. Um, one thing that C.S. Lewis did was he gave us this definition of friendship in two words, you two. Like that we you connect over your passions. So it's not like, oh, you're single like me in your 30s like me. It's like, oh, you like, you know, uh uh Captain America or Star Wars or or pickleball or whatever is your thing, you know, and that you connect with people who share your interests. So whether you're married or single, I would really encourage you to pursue um connections with people who share your interests as well and form those bonds that way because you already now have a natural passion that's shared. You two. Okay, wow. And now we have something to talk about. He uh Lewis, of course, met Tolkien, and their shared passion was Icelandic poetry in Icelandic. Not my thing, but for them it was great. So what's your thing? And find people who love your thing and pursue that, see what happens.
SPEAKER_00Agreed. All right, last question. And by the way, if anybody ever has questions related to the sermon, just send them in to hello at sandhurst.net and and we'll try to answer them. We're doing podcasts for filming on Mondays, so you got to get them in before Monday. But um, it really was impactful to me to think, okay, the topic of 1 Corinthians 7 is marriage, divorce, singleness. That's the topic. But the goal, the goal that everything he's working towards is to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. And I put a fair amount of thought into the things that stand in the way of me and undistracted devotion to the Lord. I want to uh give some thoughts to that and see what you think. What stands in the way between me and undistracted devotion to the Lord? Three things came to my mind. One is an overly sensationalized view of full devotion. What I mean by that is w when we think, okay, um, I want to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord, full devotion to the Lord would mean, okay, sell everything, move to Siberia, and uh don't go out to eat, give that money to missions, you know, like that would be full devotion to the Lord. And I think sometimes that full devotion to the Lord, um, that what would stand in the way between me and full devotion to the Lord is this oversensationalized view of that's what that would mean, and not much biblical sort of context for what what does it really mean biblically? And and I don't want to uh lower the bar uh lower than what Jesus does and what the New Testament does and and basically make uh the Christian life this kind of uh, you know, uh American Christianity. But I do want to balance like an overly sensationalized view of uh full devotion to the Lord with a 1 Thessalonians 4.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, while you're turning there, uh I was talking to a guy yesterday who said, you know, I just I want to love God, and I'm not sure I do or I can't. I mean, I see people in church and they're raising their hands and doing all that stuff, and I was like, I just don't know if I can ever be like that. And I was like, you know, brother, you have no idea that person was really worshiping or not. They look like they are, but that that is not the picture of devotion. That's their picture of devotion, but yours may be totally different. And so I do think stereotypes work against us in this way.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And and there is a danger there. Like, I don't want to go like all postmodern where it's like, well, what does devotion look like to you? Because there there are different flavors of it, but God has given us a portrait of it and devotion looks like this and does not look like this. Right. Um, but then the freedom inside that. Here's one passage, First Thessalonians four. And make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business. Okay, stay in your lane and work with your hands just as we commanded you, so that you will behave properly toward outsiders and not be in any need. I know there's a specific context to this, but uh this verse helps balance out a little bit of the overly sensationalized sell everything. Yeah. And and if if you're buying Starbucks, then clearly you are a hedonist who needs to repent because that money could be spent somewhere else. So I think that stands in the way, and what I need is just a biblical view of the Christian life. And that that's why I think I go back to the purpose, this purpose statement, or a way of articulating the purpose of the Christian life so much that love and obey God. Yeah, that this is my calling. Jesus Jesus was really clear. There's one command on which all of the Old Testament law hang on. This one thing love the Lord you God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Okay, and love God. And Jesus said, if you love me, you'll do what?
SPEAKER_02You'll obey me.
SPEAKER_00Obey me. Yeah. To love and obey him by his power for his glory and help others do the same. Like this, this is what God has called me to. And um, and so I want to, in whatever, wherever I'm planted, whatever pot that is, whether it's married with kids, whether it's singleness, whether it's divorced, right, um, whether it's a student, to say, um, I want to live my life loving God and obeying him under the authority of his word, and I'm gonna help others do the same. I heard somebody say one time, and this really helped me, that the the best way to uh grow in your faith is to help somebody else grow in theirs. And and that doesn't need to be an overly sensationalized sort of thing, just a discipleship priorities, truth, relationship, opportunity, accountability in normal life. That's I think a biblical view of full devotion to the Lord. So what stands in my way, um, an overly sensationalized view of full devotion. A second is love of self, and uh, the third is a home, uh just kind of a cheap view of God. These are things that stand in the way. If if I love me and just think about the big I in in the service, then a lot of a lot of things are gonna flow out of that that flow against full devotion to the Lord. Fear of man flows out of love of self. If I love me, I need to protect um the perception that I want you to have of me. Um if I love me, then I'm gonna be fear fearful of unknowns because I'm uh I need to be able to control things. And I think that flows against full devotion to the Lord. Yeah. Love of self and then a ho-home view of God. Just look, time and time again, anytime somebody uh just goes full send into um full devotion to the Lord, it's it's not usually with a hype speech, it's usually uh paired with, wow, I see God in a way that I have not before. Whether it's Isaiah 6, when uh Isaiah gets a view of the throne, or Peter catching a bunch of fish in Luke 5, and he's like, Depart from me, I'm a sinful man. Or uh the the demoniac, uh, and and his story really ties a couple things together for me. When when he's delivered from his demonic oppression, and he says to Jesus, Hey Jesus, put me in the game. Like, I want to come with you. Yeah, I like I want to change the world, you know, sell everything, that that kind of thing. And Jesus' words to him are go home. Like, you want to change the world? Sweet, you see me rightly. That is a right desire. Um, full devotion to the Lord, but here's how I want to channel that full devotion to the Lord. Go home, yeah. Tell your people what happened. Yeah, and you know what he does? He goes home and he tells the people what happened. Yeah, uh, not overly sensational, just obedient to the calling that came out of wow, look at the deliverance that you have for me. So those are some thoughts that um that I've tried to work through as I've tried to consider what stands between me and full devotion to the Lord.
SPEAKER_02But when you were talking, what came to my mind was honestly just the story of my mom, you know, her journey. Uh, you know, she is now uh 82, and she early on uh was one of the she was the first person in her extended family to go to college. Uh she went to Vanderbilt, she got married to my dad. He became a physician and they started this beautiful life together. They were married for uh almost about around 10 years. And um, my dad uh left our family, and she so she lost her husband. And in the next few years, in her early to mid-30s, she lost both of her parents. And in her late 30s, she lost her health. She became wheelchair bound with MS. So she had lost, and she was an only child. So she lost her parents, and as an only child, she lost her husband, she lost her health, and she had other losses that I'll I'll leave out. And I'm just thinking, if anyone had reason to be bitter, she was it. And to this day, she's just one of the most cheerful people you know you'll ever meet. And she she is still reaching out to people, she still believes in the Lord, she still um seeks fellowship, she's still, you know, from you know, she she'll she'll tell me stories when I call about talking to different people in the in the independent living home about about Jesus and how she's reading to this person who's just lost their sight, but she can read the Bible to them and how she just sees herself remaining on mission. And I just think, how does someone go through all that and just remain just genuinely joyful and cheerful? And I realize by God's doing, by God's doing, she just lived what we're talking about. She said, you know what, Lord, actually it wasn't an inheritance, it wasn't a big family, it wasn't a husband, it wasn't the the the the the picture, the the the the magazine covered life. That wasn't what you had for me, um, but what you did have for me, um, I have embraced. And what what God did provide was a church family and Queen Ornia for her and a sense of I'm on this planet for a reason. She understood her calling was to love God and people, and she has done it faithfully for 50 years since her divorce. And I look at that and I go, man, she's gonna be at the front of the line.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of people who have been inspired to love and obey God towards full, undistracted devotion to the Lord just by hearing her story through you. Um so bloom where you're planted. That's right. First Corinthians seven. Um all right, well, thanks for joining everyone. We've got first Corinthians eight coming up, and very excited about that. Uh Paul is gonna bring up a blood boiling issue for the Corinthian church in chapter eight. So I'm excited to look at that, and we're gonna look at the the things that are similar things that call are the blood boilers uh socially for us today. So uh that's chapter eight, and uh looking forward to it. Thanks for joining.
SPEAKER_01You bet.